42 days….
Until I’m in Derek’s arms.
And we’ll be in God’s arms.
So…double armed.
Yeah.
YOUNG COUPLE: June 2, 2012
Today I had a skype conversation with a wonderful girl I met on tumblr. She is such an amazing young woman with a heart full of courage and love for the Lord. We talked for a while about all kinds of things. And you know, I love hearing stories about all that God has done for people. It just makes…
I had such a wonderful time talking to you! It’s great to know that we have support for our far-away relationships and, most importantly, our relationship with God. I pray we can talk again soon!
June 1st, 2012
Yesterday evening, I was having quiet time, and I ended up thinking about the my past, present, and future. I though about all the things I went through, and how it left some negative affects on my personality. I feel that, although I’m caring and understanding, I’m still timid, nervous when speaking to people sometimes, self-concious and even at times self-hating.
Then I realized I was still too focused on myself. And that forgiveness and confidence truly is beautiful, especially if it is through the greatest forgiver and lover of all, Jesus Christ.
I am thinking about joining peace corps. And although I thought for a while that I have the heart for it…I realized I still have so much heart to grow. For example, in class a few days ago, a few groups gave presentations on abortions. I am pro-life. The people presenting were clearly pro-choice, and even ridiculed pro-life people. The thing about it is, I know there are tough situations where abortion seems like the best thing to do, like if you were raped (though less than 1% of pregnancies are from rape, it still happens), or even if the mother’s life is at stake. There are sad situations. I know this. Yet I got so worked up. I talked to a friend about it afterwards, and she is a stronger follower of Christ, also a social work major. And she brought up a good point, something I thought I knew: “if you really want to get into this profession, you have to not let every little thing bother you.”
At first I was somewhat offended. Not every little thing bothers me. I just feel strongly about abortion. But, through my ranting, I did tell her the presentation made me “spiritually drained.” I was over-exaggerating, just because I didn’t like it. I was appearing weak.
But she is right. I need to be stronger about these things. And I need to continue loving people who are different from me, without feeling angry at them. A fault I have is admitting I’m wrong when it’s a subject I feel strong about.
Anyway, I’m going to share a passage of my journal entry from yesterday to God, that describes my feelings right now.
“God…I want to be a changed person. I no longer want to be selfish, and I no longer want to worry about other people’s opinions about me that may be negative and hurtful. I want to be healthier. I want to emphasize my inside beauty, instead of worrying constantly about my outside beauty. I want to be positive about myself, thankful for what I do have, and never give up on healthy change. I want to do this not only for my good, but for the good of others, so I can help others, because I love others. I want people to see me and think “God’s Love”. I want to be smiley and happy everyday, and confident in Your love and existence, whether it’s when I wake up early, when I have to work long hours, when I see the broken pieces of the fallen world. I do want to quit worrying about whether or not I have enough, because I know You will provide-but I also want to be smart with my decisions. I no longer want to speak with stutters of uncertainty, yet I want to admit it when I make mistakes. I can never be perfect. You are the only Perfect One. I want to work on my modesty. I want to live for You. I want to love for You.
I want to share Your love far away. I want to feel You with me, no matter what part of the world I am at, no matter how different it is from what I am accustomed to.
I want to be a set-apart young woman. I wan to be Your soldier. So please accept me, as I know You’re loving…take all of me, no matter what I have to give up. Show me how to love others, as you have loved others. You love EVERYONE, no matter what.
This is me, __________, talking to You. Asking for You. I want You. You’re all I want, You’re all I need. Please Lord, make me new. Create in me a clean, loving heart.”
I wanted to share this just so everyone could know how God has changed my life, but how He continues to change and shape me. I am still a sinner. I can never be perfect. But He still loves me and gently pushes me to love others. He can do the same for you, no matter who you are or what struggles you’re going through to make you think God doesn’t want you. He loves us all. <3
Mostly my family does this. They grew up putting me down because of my weight, and now that I’ve lost weight, they think I’d look sick if I was smaller…which is also not true.
I think I would look fine as a size 8, thank you very much. Not “anorexic”, like they claim.
It’s also hard to take their opinions seriously when 1) they kind of are overweight themselves, and 2) Like I said, they grew up ridiculing me.
But this is the last blog post I am going to make being frustrated towards my family and blaming them for me growing up obese. Whether or not it was partly their fault, ultimately I was the one who ate terrible choices (I could have chosen not to eat), who ate her feelings, and was not very active. No matter the age, it was me who did it.
I can get to a size 8. I can lose about 20 more pounds. I can forgive.
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” -Philippians 4:13
(via chicurself)
